This may be a bit of a rant, so I'm sorry, but I'm not sorry for it. I feel like I'm going insane and I just want to let a bit of this out. Keep in mind, there is a bit more to all of this than just what's here, but it's a start. I felt better for a bit, basically just a day, then it all came rushing back and resulted in another panic attack type event. It's very possible that I could just be over reacting, but the way that I'm feeling is very real and I'm not going to ignore that fact.
I come from a family that has a small background of some alcohol abuse. I'm not totally against alcohol, but personally, I've never been a huge drinker. I prefer just having a casual drink or occasionally getting slightly tipsy. Getting piss ass drunk is not my style. Lately, it seems that I can't be invited places unless it involves alcohol which brings along the feelings of 'am I not fun enough?' and 'can people just not stand to be sober around me?'.
There's got to be more to life than going out for the sole purpose of getting drunk right ? It's not just me ? It's not too much to ask to be taken out on a night that doesn't involve alcohol, is it ?
My mind has been racing with these questions for about a week and a half to two weeks now. I've honestly lost track.
Ideas are bouncing around in my mind, such as maybe I should just accept this and move on or maybe I should actually take a stand for once and refuse to go out anywhere that involves alcohol for the next while.
A final decision definitely won't be made until I've gotten a bit calmer and have talked to some people first, but one thing that's for sure is that I'm sick of being taken out only when it involves alcohol. I'm raising my standards because I know I deserve more.
xoxo - D.
p.s.
it's never a bad thing to want what you deserve
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